This week flew by, but it was jam-packed with goodness. Sister Garner and I were able to give the training to the Zone on sin vs. weakness, and it was incredibly helpful. But then the need to refresh my mind with that training was perpetuated throughout that week. Because just as I was starting to get a grasp on being positive through our weaknesses, I was attacked by Satan; just shoving every weakness in my face. And it was partially debilitating because I knew what I needed to do to overcome that weakness, I knew what it would take, and I knew what was making me feel so crummy, but I still felt like I had little control. It was affecting my prayers! And it was diminishing my ability to work as hard as I wanted to and to be selfless because my brain was so foggy.
One night, after we turned out the lights, my companion said,
"Do you want to talk about something?"
I definitely didn't.
But I also didn't want her to think it was anything she had done, because I adore Sister Garner. She's one of my best friends. So I just started talking and words fell out of my mouth, issues I hardly knew I was having because I had never communicated them. Then she started to laugh.
"Why are you laughing?!"
"Because all the things you just listed as weakness are your strengths."
Ha. We can never really see ourselves clearly. We look at ourselves through a dark glass; it's transparent, but obscure. That's why eternal perspective is so vital. It's humbling. It forces us to step outside of ourselves and determine what our purpose is and what our potential is. Our capabilities feel unattainable because they are! Until we can accept that we require divine help, we will struggle to reach anywhere near our potential.
Something that really stuck out to me this week was the idea of "If ye love me, keep my commandments." It doesn't say "obey", nor does it say "do". We are to keep them! Hold onto them! Defend them! When we keep something, and we don't throw it away, it's usually because it has some type of significant, sentimental value for us. When we obey the commandments of God, there is room to do so begrudgingly, but when we keep the commandments of God, we cherish our ability to obey because they have personal significance to us.
"Yea, I will keep thy commandments with all my heart." -Alma 45:7
Which coincides with something that was brought up in church yesterday. The idea of being a disciple of Jesus Christ means that you follow Him. You don't just walk the walk, you must walk it with your heart invested. What makes us missionaries? What makes us worthy? is it just that I wear a name tag and wake up at 6:30, or is it that I am truly striving to serve the Lord by bringing His children to Christ?" Positive, hopeful diligence will help us find more peace, faster.
It was a good week! One with a strange set of struggles, and every single one of our investigators was sick or out of town, but still it was effective and we worked our tail ends off!
This week:
We drew the Plan of Salvation in chalk at the park again! Then we got talk walk back with our cute lil' friends Lana and Meredith and teach them the Plan of Salvation using our chalk drawing. (Then the rain came and swept it away). But we handed out 2 Book of Mormons because of it! And Meredith is getting baptized soon! Yay!
Here's a cute picture of us all looking really professional, Elder Karr, Quijada, Sister Garner and myself! These are the missionaries in the OKC 2nd ward.
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